RED FLAG

It’s not even you who hurt me.

But it’s hard not visiting his sins on you.

I love moments with you, 

but every act sends me. 

Sends me into fear, into consciousness!

Into withdrawal and questioning.

I hate when you give the signs he carried.

But do you even know you

have the signs he carried? 

A part of me says you know

and that all you are made

of is similar to what he was made of.

I hate that I am battling 

emotions and trying to balance feelings.

I hate that I am made to 

remind myself that 

not every act is a flaw.

People say that it could 

be that I haven’t healed.

I think it is me just being too conscious.

How I dread the idea of 

playing love without caution.

But I cannot stop!

Ever since I experienced bitter love 

That almost cut my life short.

I like the way you laugh 

but he used to laugh like 

this and heck, you should 

have seen his heart. 

He had no good intentions for mines. 

He would hold me how you’d hold me.

He would say “you are mine”.

He would laugh and say come by the house.

But he had concubines more than Solomon 

A disgusting habit of never keeping to time.

He was good with lies

and I never could tell from his eyes. 

Now I am spending time reading you. 

Asking myself if to keep seeing you.

When you say word I’ve heard him say, 

I pause and say “not today”.

When you’d do things he would do.

I tell myself “everyone isn’t the same”.

I do not like this trauma response.

I do not like what I’ve become.

But I’ve set a day.

I’ve given an answer to my ways.

To say what I feel.

To hope this love remains.

When it’s all said and done.

We’d see what remains.