I HOPE THAY YOU FIND YOURSELF

I consider this word the heaviest thing someone could say to me, if said from a sincere heart. 

I applaud you for sitting and watching so much that you know I was missing, I commend you for listening so deeply that you can tell I am lost. 

More deeply, I appreciate your desire that you know there’s a need to get me back. 

You didn’t let me explain in vain that I have detoured from my original design, it’s hurtful to share my heartbreak then have to explain why it broke my heart. How do you explain loss and disappointment in this type of heavy grief and not further sink? 

Thank you for not telling me life happens because I’ve lost way too much to agree with that reality and I think I am not deserving of the hurt I got in exchange of just existing: so really I am hurting.

I hope you get yourself back! I hope you do! It’s heavy for me because I long to have my wonder again, to be fascinated by winds and birds, to not wait on when I would be broken or analyze actions in depth and try to align intentions. I long to be free, childlike and happy without remembering when there wasn’t a jab in me. 

And I say it to you! I hope you get yourself back. A lot of people die while they are still alive, I hope you find your life back. 

I stand with you, sending you love and hugs, the amount I know might never do because I don’t have enough to patch your wound. 

I hope you find yourself back! For the first time in a long while, I say it with no depth. Like just find yourself, not because we need you or they need you or anything, but just for you. So that when you smile, it’s true and if you do cry, your heart goes easy on you. 

I hope you find yourself back and you are fascinated by little things and you get to believe again in your big dreams. I hope you find yourself back, no strings attached.