THE UNKNOWN

 

I thought that time had passed.

And my head didn’t remember a lot of things.

I thought that I had healed from what life made of me.

But heck, it doesn’t go like that.

I’ve been running like I am almost out of time.

I hate myself for failing.

I hate myself for not letting go when I should have.

I hate memories of the things I didn’t win in life.

I hate the pains that comes with time.

I hate that I no longer have the strength to fight.

That I am numb most of time.

I am putting myself out to feel little things.

Like a child’s smile.

A lover’s heart.

An unbroken soul.

A rebuilt hope.

But I am scared as heck of the things

I didn’t get to bring home.

Now that I think about it, I am not whole. 

Mostly numb, sometimes, in a place unknown.

I should have known the name pain is called.

I should have known the home to where I belong.

I should have moved past this wall.

But I am scared and so unsure.

Like I’ve lost the fight in me.

Like I am at the end of me.

Like there was never a me.

If time permits, give me time.

If time permits, help me count.

Firstly, the things I never had.

Secondly, the things I wish I had.

Thirdly, the things that slipped off my hands

Fourthly, the chances that would later be mine.

I am very uncertain of this great unknown.

If it were up to me, I would almost call it my own.

But there’s better for me. 

I think there is.

If time permits, write of me as the 

person that goes on to win.