BUSINESS, PLEASURE & A MAN

 

It was my will to learn to 

separate career from emotions.

But I am seated across the table 

from you, getting a drink and 

making dry jokes with you.

Talking about the changes 

I need to make, finances we 

look gain, the purpose we serve 

and the impact on lives. 

Now you are saying my hair 

looks nice, and my lashes looks fine. 

You are telling me silver

ring would fit my finger and 

another dinner would be a great

up until a new forever. 

But like Simi and Ladipoe, 

I don’t even know you that well..

But I went ahead and we 

met more than thrice. 

Now we are into one another and

if my phone ever rings in the 

middle of making out, you push 

the silence button and tell us 

to keep our hands on each other.

It was my will to separate career

from emotions, but you drive to 

my house past 11pm almost every

night to say you’ve come to catch 

up with me because we both 

had a long day, and we stay up 

talking till 3am before you drive off. 

It wasn’t my will to mix business

and pleasure but I find it sweet

how you still wake up early to text me. 

It was more intense when you

asked me what I wanted for 

Christmas for the girls, and you 

almost gave that much money to the event. 

I don’t like to mix business with pleasure, 

but you’ve taken pleasure in my business…

Or so I thought until you texted me 

and said we needed to talk. 

You said I was the woman 

you wanted and I felt enough. 

I just didn’t think you ask

me to put behind the things I 

wanted just to have eternity with you. 

When I said I couldn’t sacrifice 

what I was making out of myself. 

You said I wasn’t ready but someone else was.

Just like that, you took pleasure

in running off with your ex 

who returned years she’d hurt you.

Or so you said and that’s what I heard. 

I can never place how we went 

wrong, or what had come.

But you took pleasure in giving 

me hurts and in your defense 

“you weren’t convinced about us”.

I’m up in my head after months, 

thinking how you could give all

you gave just to end up giving us up. 

It hurts over again that a real 

explanation wasn’t made.

I tell myself it’s okay

but really I am in pains. 

I think it wasn’t me.

I know it wasn’t me. 

I have a notion that you got 

pumped up by what I could

become that you didn’t know 

when you needed to stop.

But even you were good enough 

So that might not be it. 

Another notion, I wasn’t selfish 

with love like I had been with

everyone else after my hurt. 

I fitted the frame of what you 

thought you needed.

I have a notion, that I am confused 

as heck about what went down 

between us and as always, 

I dislike myself for the chance I gave us. 

I’ve come to a conclusion,

it’s never okay to mix 

business with pleasure. 

Or this was just never meant to work.