Weakened

 Couple of times, I have tried to tell you that I can’t heal from the pains we caused.

It’s been 1074 days + and I haven’t lived in reality, just infatuation and some slight emotions. 

I am mixing humor with desires, thinking I could heal and pass time. 

I am thinking that things would change, in all honesty, I am living with aches. 

Sometimes, there is this desire to feel alive, but I am dead, how can I ? 

Sitting on the spinning chair, documenting changes with effects, I am making a wave. 

But sometimes I stop, I realize I haven’t healed.

I stay telling the world that time heals us. 

365 days times 2 more, my heart is no longer pumping affection. 

Today, I fall in love, tomorrow I can’t keep up. 

Some people say love doesn’t matter, but I  know it does. 

Because I am human and I long for compassion.

But I am incomplete with grudges, carrying heavy baggage from my before. 

And to me every emotion feels wrong, I have been empty for so long.

I am weak, I lied when I said I am enough. 

Hoping that sooner or later, this would fade off. 

But it’s been up for so long. And I wish it was a dream because I’d like to wake up. 

You were my best friend.

And you were always there

It breaks me to think i synced with your heart, it was a lie. 

It was game of time. 

This wouldn’t pass, and time wouldn’t heal. 

I might just be old and winning awards like you taught me. 

Championing the women game and become the woman shaped by pains. 

I am desperately looking to find time to ask to start again. Lots of questions to ask, just like the regrets I could track again.

I have many flaws and I know it, but to carry this one.... it makes me broken.

I would never find time again, I would never think of love without some pain.

I’d like to apologize to myself that it turned out this way. 

Yes, I admit life hasn’t been the same. 

Hopefully my weakness takes a new shade. 

28/2021.