Weakened 2

 Step by step, I was eager to play new games. 

And I wouldn’t lie about how it felt safe with you.

Because this has always been my shade, finding new place with you.

I forgot my name, I forgot every promises I made. 

And I thought it was okay, that the only thing I could remember was your name. And I thought we had a bargain that we would play safe. 

Look at your little girl, you thought she’d never change.

It took me 765 days to realize that what we shared was a dangerous game. 

As much as it broke my heart, I still think you never intended causing me pains. 

Naive in different shade. 

Time is not a doctor, it isn’t healing. 

And I have been trying to measure, but I can’t feel it.

That one mistake took away all my emotions. 

I will never forget how dangerously i played.

I know that I have to pay, but I didn’t even ask for this.

I was thinking it was one of life’s mystery.

I thought I’d be safe. 

In 115 days, I watched my life flash before my eyes, I was breaking and draining, I was half insane.

Come and take away all we never could exchange, it is no longer valid. 

And I have lots of questions 

How long was it going to hurt?

Was 546 days perfect to ruin me?

Would you have keep going if I never asked for that part of me?

You meant a lot, you were supposed watch after me. 

I was so safe with you, I told you everything.

And I thought your arms were perfect to find solace, but you betrayed me.

Now, I am grown, I can’t explain this grieve. I promise, you’ve taken a part of me. Will I ever heal? 

You were supposed to be there without hurting me. 

I am weakened when I think about it. 

Lots of years has passed, lots of tears I cried. But it’s okay 

This is just a letter to me....

29/2021