Old friend

 I wanted to write you a letter, I was thinking of putting the pictures from when we were lovers. 

Lately, I have been reminiscing on back when.

I thought about when it was just you and I by the beachside, I haven’t been there after that because of the memories it might bring back. 

You really did to sweep me off my feet, I almost didn’t think that I’d live without you.

Honestly, the letter, the letter I wanted to write. I wanted to ask how you were fairing, I desperately want to know if you are healing from the pains I caused.

Because I don’t think I am.

I’ve been thinking of the mornings when I used to wake in your arms.

I have been reminiscing on nights when we played the car race and pretended our karaoke sounded great, all of these were your ideas and i took a while for me to buy them. 

I have been thinking of your cooking skills and how you managed to make lunch ready whenever I visited after work, I was too rigid to understand that you make sacrifices for those you care about. 

I like how you worked the magic of making me smile when I used to fall into your arms to cry, I apologize for never giving you my shoulder and always running to work before you could talk. 

And every movie night that wasn’t at the cinemas, I am sorry that I was never paying attention to the stories lines.

Every-time it was just you and I, it rings in my head, it rings all the time. 

All that you gave, but I never returned. 

You were the best, but it took me so long.

Dear old friend, I am sorry that I never reciprocate so much of what you gave. 

I was thinking there was time and I was hiding a part of me from pain. 

I should have realized that you gave everything and nothing should have stopped me from doing the same.

I am sorry that only used to come to you when I needed to cry. 

I apologize for being on my phone every beach time.

I am sorry I didn’t speak your love language.

And I am sorry that I never gave you time, I only gave those things I had in hand. 

So, old friend, I really never compromised, I only leaned on what you had. 

And I am sorry because you didn’t deserve it. I realized you are one of a kind. 

For every fight that we had, I am sorry that I never tried to make things right. 

You were good, although not perfect, but it was great. 

When you said you didn’t want to stay anymore, because the love wasn’t what you bargained, I should have realized that I crossed the line.

But I didn’t recognized because I thought you’d always fill the gap. 

I am still healing, or maybe not.

A bit more time, I might understand love.

I didn’t make a last wish. If I could go back, I’d be better. I’d make you smile, like genuinely. 

My last wish? That I would do the things you did with my mind loving every bit of it.