D E N I E D

 Dear Mother, I won’t lie to you, I am sorry I never came forth.

When you lost me in the third month, I felt like your world stopped. 

How can i explain that I intended coming to the world, I was longing for you to tell me the story of princesses.

I was hoping to be your world. 

I was looking forward to the smile you’d give. 

I was hoping to stop making Motherhood just a dream. 

But I got lost and that wasn’t your fault. 

Perhaps things went wrong,

May your scars cover up.

Mother, I am writing you to let you know that I’d love for you to heal. 

Months are passing, but you’ve barely been alive.

I know you barely speak about it, but you are still grieving. 

But time is passing by, I need you to be the  one whose arms I was longing to be wrapped in. 

When I came as blood rolling down your thighs, I didn’t intend to. 

But I know I took a part of you, so I am sorry I hurt you.

I denied you of motherhood; Mother, you’ve been staring at the clothes I ought to use. You’ve been looking in the room I belong to. You’ve been crying yourself to bed. 

You are slowly losing you.

Mother I am sorry.

I took a part of you with me.

Please tell daddy, that I wanted to be his princess, that I am sorry I am not there. 

When he rolled his sleeves and saw the blood, when he lifted your feet and his breath ceased in shock; I am sorry I shook his world.

He had been grieving and thinking it was his fault, I am sorry, I meant no hurt.

I don’t know if time would heal, it’s not a doctor, how would it? 

I am thinking I’d come back to you, but I haven’t asked if reincarnation exists.

I just think there would be another special being that might behold a part of me.

From out of your belly there shall be a cord carrying the child who shall be the one. 

Mother, go on and heal. Let memories of me not cause you grieve. 

I know you tried, I know those nights. I know the times your palms rubbed against me, I know you wanted this.

But fate is a thing. 

And God gives perfect gifts.

There would be another time. 

This time, a perfect gift.