You are..... episode 3

 I wanted so much to talk about this and I wanted you to listen, I don’t think that I want that anymore. And I... I stood and stared, and that’s it. I, I was, I was making excuses for your inadequacy, I was waiting for when you’d get it right. I had ever valid reason to leave, but I didn’t because I believed that you’d make up for it, for us and my sacrifices, I was hoping that you’d realize that my compromises crossed lots of lines. I broke my rules and I did it because I thought that you’d recognize this love, that it wasn’t just a thing, at least not to me. I was staying because I wanted you to see, that you could be loved. 

And I promise that I never gave you anything less that what a man could call his best. I laid it all down, I stooped that low, it didn’t matter, I defended you. Look at you, you were good enough, and you could have, you had it, you had it in you. But guess who never showed it? You. You.  And I thought that maybe with time and that if you would, you could be that person for me. I really hoped. And years passed but you never put me into consideration of what I might have needed, I knew that I was everything to you. 

And sometimes, I wanted to apologize, firstly, for loving you so much. Secondly, for having that hope. And thirdly, if I was wrong or I had mixed it up, because I didn’t understand how a love so clear cannot be seen. And then, I realized that you, you are not worth it. No, I wasted my time, my effort and I strive to make you happy, to make you know, to make you realize. And If it was fear, I couldn’t tell. Because all your words were unsaid. And now you show up after two years to tell me that you’ve pulled yourself together and I am what you deserve? Myself? No. No. I said as I shook my head and sniffed. 

There are no new beginnings at least not with us, you should leave, please, I said as I pointed towards the door.

One more chance, please.