It is long gone

I wanted to hold on to the memories of when we were undone. 

Not just with your zippers up and my bare chest staring at your face in hope for more.

But the time that we were emptied of our scars and our fears. 

That vulnerable moment that felt like the world had disappeared. 

All of our disappointments, our greatest disgrace. 

I longed to bare myself, but not the hips from above. 

The hidden grieve of when my heart was torn and every pain was a trigger that wouldn’t fade. 

I wanted to look at your sight, but not drown in thoughts your biceps and my hands running through them.

 I wanted the inside of you, the one that consist of undone miracles, also the sad part of when you were a child; rejected and abused. 

I wanted to remember when we were undone. 

But you said; It is long gone.

I was asking you to open up,

The way you used to when we first fell in love.

I was looking for the tears that would leak into the bosom of my chest.

The previous sincerity we shared.

I was looking for when we were undone.

Not unjust unbuttoned shirts.

Not just moans and grunts.

I was asking that I see through the intent of your heart.

I was for the day when you desperately held my hands.

Those moments, I felt intertwined.

Committed to you.

I was never going to backslide.

Today, I can no longer find that time.

My soul doesn’t submit to your flaws 

And when I said, let’s be undone.

You replied, “it is long gone”.