Costly

I am pretending as if I don’t want you.

As though I would care if your lips would slowly caress my stretch marks.

I am tired on my inside, I need you around.

I need you sitting on the chair, so I can rest my head on your laps.

I want to giggle without care

I want to say your name out loud. 

To call you and grip you 

To be honest and loose with you. 

Somehow, my sanity cannot afford you.

I have learnt to live my whole life, paying the price for a commodity I never purchased.

Usually, this is where I pause and ask you to stay.

This is where I rest my spirit upon your soul, asking for your imprint; something bold.

This is where I get to take a deep breath, but I shall take my leave instead. 

I have forgotten lots of things, including how to believe in all you give or all you don’t.

Although you are perfect from within, I’d like to pass because love would always ask for a price. 

I’d be around, somewhere farther than usual. 

I will watch from my window, the way you will become all you consist of.

I wish I could hold you close, submit my lips upon your own, but that would be the sign of my reflection intertwining with yours.

Love would always ask for a price.

My sanity can’t afford to love.

So, I will run, like I usually do.

But I will be close, telling you that I believe in you.

I thought that I healed and I paid my debts, but I guess, I would never afford to love with my sanity in there.

Yours truly, LuLu.

She is somewhere near.