CAUGHT IN TOO MUCH

 

I am sure of the future, but I cannot recover from the past! I am saying that I am ready for newness but the things I missed still haunt me. I am saying that I am ready to step into the new, but there’s a part of me that’s holding to before. 

I am saying that I think that the idea of what I will become is valid but I am getting hindered by what has occurred. I am ready to become but I’ve got a little hurt. I am stuck between “it’s the process and you need to let go”

It’s even funnier that being caught in the past is of two kinds- the part of it that helps you be careful! The part of it that makes you  hope for more and the side of it that hurts. I think it’s hard sometimes, to separate process, lessons and brokenness and that’s where I am now! 

I am learning which one to move on with! I hate the idea of it! But it’s almost like I need them! So I am striking the balance between acknowledging all of these but not letting it shape me. 

I am saying “I’ve agreed to all that has happened, whether it was a part of purpose or just my mistakes, and I’ve learnt and I am moving on to better but I need to hold on to some side of it so it can serve as a reminder to not step into certain situations anymore, but I need to be careful that in being cautious, I am not engrossed with too much that I put too heavy a guard up, but I still cannot be in denial”

So I comfort myself by reading the part of the scripture that says that “all things works together for the good of those who love God and are in accordance to his will”!

The comfort is in “all things”! All things even those things I don’t understand. Those things I badly need answers for, those things I meant well while doing but they turned out bad, those things I knew I did right but didn’t get results! All things, it says. 

It is my comfort and it’s a reality I find hard to settle with, but I can hold on to it in faith. It did break me, but because all things works together for my good; I will be fixed!

I don’t know when or how, but even as I walk into new season! I am assured it applies! 

Olu Ajoba