IT IS HARD FOR ME TO LOVE YOU - PART 1

Finally letting it out! 

I am sorry it took a while.

I know that you wonder why

I barely pick your call more than once at night. 

I don’t know how to stay and talk with you for long.

It’s not that I don’t love you, 

it’s just so hard for me to love you. 

I know you say to allow you hug me,

But my skin feels some type 

of way when you hold me.

I promise that I don’t hate you.

I just don’t know how to.

To surrender myself in your arms.

To take my place in your heart.

To allow you be all that I have.

For me, love is somewhat hard.

I hate what Mommy made out of Daddy.

What Deji made out of Kemi.

It feels like you’d make same out of me,

Like you’d one day leave.

I hate that I have to shield myself so much.

That the love I have for 

you can’t be made apparent.

I fear that you might mess me up.

It’s saver that I keep my guard up.

I promise I want to kiss you

as much as I steal glances at you.

But I also ask what if I wake 

up and don’t see you next to me. 

I desire to tell you of

everything that happens to me.

But all I do is stutter and end it with a hiss.

I hate that I don’t allow the taste of your lips.

I hate that I don’t allow your cologne stay on me.

I hate that I am careful.

That I doubt you, that I don’t allow you.

Even I hate it for me. 

I hate that I tell myself not to feel 

even the things made for me.

Like your lips on mine.

You in me, a chance to ride. 

Our wedding vows.

Your meals.

Your hands in mine.

Your kids; I am sorry I took them out. 

You might never know that. 

TO BE CONTINUED….