I DO NOT THINK THAT I AM READY

Dear God, I don’t think 

that I am ready.

I might never be. 

But if I know you well enough, 

That’s a great way for 

you to start your work.

You show off with me 

and I am grateful.

But have you seen me?

Oh, why do I ask questions so silly? 

You know me. 

I must admit that I am tired of running. 

But this burden, you’ve

made way too heavy.

Forgive me for the way I fight you. 

I just think it’s wild how 

you put your hopes in me. 

300 out of 365/6 days, I am 

asking you why you’ve

made me this way.

You know I desire more 

than anything that 

this cup passes me by. 

But really, your will not mine.

I don’t like that I am at Gethsemane

More than half of the time.

I cry blood and those 

with me fall asleep.

But they’ve had their 

own share of my cross. 

They’ve stood with me 

Through the burden of the call.

Oh, how I wonder about this call.

Heavy and dramatic much. 

It drowns me too much. 

I can’t even run.

There’s no where to run. 

I want to so badly tell you

to please ask you. 

To strip me off lesser will.

To take from me lesser things. 

To have mercy more often than need be. 

Look at me!

Others can run!

I can’t move if you don’t instruct.

The totality of my existence is in you.

You are where I belong.

It’s fine. I do trust you.

But I ask, “try me less than you have”

You are putting me 

through so much refining. 

I am not finding it funny.

Sometimes I ask you to hurry,

To save me from a burden this heavy.

Sometimes, I am ignoring

all you’ve sent me.

Forgive me for running.

Forgive me for ignoring. 

I don’t think I am enough.

I don’t consider myself worthy.

I don’t think I am ready. 

But you know what’s funny? 

I’ve never for once not believed in 

what you’ve called me.

I’ve never for once stopped journeying

even though on some days, 

you’d find me crawling.

I don’t think I am ready 

I don’t find it funny

But I am still walking 

Watching, waiting and doing.