Fault and Flaws

 

I have fallen in love with you, and I can swear it’s not those love that’s fake.

But before we go ahead, I have a heavy confession to make.

I think I’ve forgotten how to come home to my lover’s arms because I’ve bore burdens by myself for so long that I can barely pour out my heart.

I’ve forgotten how to forget myself in laughter and jokes, it’s been a very long years in healing’s choke.

I don’t remember how to run back home. I’ve long forsaken my place of abode.

I have fallen for you, I just don’t know my way. 

But I have a  feeling if we ever got into a fight, I would yell at you to go away. 

I have a confession to make, I used to love the things I now hate.

Like telling work jokes, calling you my home, staying up with you until dawn, saying you owe me money even after you’ve paid up.

But I fear my heart is crushed,

It has forgotten pet names,

It could call you SH ( that’s sweetheart from mount zion films).

I think I am faulty and I need repair. Because we could have a fight and I would never address.

I think I am scared and very unsure of what to say.

But I know I look forward to talking with you everyday.

I am just scared of starting this.

Making jokes, creating memories, making you home, sharing my weaknesses, laughing so hard and forgetting everything.

Until it all crumbles like some nemesis. Then you fall out of love with me so fast that my jokes would no longer make you laugh, and you won’t  hold my hands. 

And I’d have to heal again and start over. 

The thoughts of cycle makes me roll over. 

I want to trust you, I want to believe my heart, but where do I leave the stab and jabs. 

The stakes are way too high.

Trust your heart, they say. I would swear I’ve had faith in mine like 70 x 7 times.

I want to start. 

But I can’t lay it down.

What if it doesn’t work out?

What if you wake up and longer want us.

I know you sense I could be the end of us, but I promise you, I can stake 780 points you’d flaw us first.

Because I know this feels where I am fighting and rooting for us so heavily, just for you to have some weird awakening with 200 reasons why we cannot be. 

Yes, it wasn’t you who did it to me the first 3 times, but what’s the assurance that won’t be your style? 4th one down? 

I promise I can willingly give my all to this. 

But it would break the last of me if I am right in my thesis.

This one time, I don’t think I am over thinking. It’s just analysis of what has always been. 

But cheers to us and best wishes if we ever would be.