WHOLESOME

 

I never wanted anything so badly than to come into your arms.

The past few days, my life flashed before my eyes.

I miss you are not the words that I am looking for, 

I think the words are "I am sorry" 

that I was unsure of what I wanted.

Now, I wish you were here so I would hug

You and allow you whisper something into my ears.

When I said to start afresh, I didn't intend to have

 a moments when I am not holding your hands.

But I have always been a scared little girl, 

so it is good to be by myself for a while.

But it is hard, I like the love you

introduced me to. I love our affair,

 but I think I will make a mess of you if I don't heal first. 

So when I said let's start over,

 I meant that you should allow me know self. 

Because even if this was ordained, 

my untreated pains and scars would tear us 

apart way too much and I

would hate to break you that much. 

But now, I am breaking myself, 

regretting my words, staring deeply

 at your pictures, running through your words, 

wishing you best of luck because I could

 never ask you to take a pause for me. Not

 that I hate myself for my decision, but it is

unfair that it was birthed from life's painful incision. 

Pray for me, pray that this cup to pass, 

pray for me that I learn to sit at the Father's feet 

to heal from my scars, pray for me

 that I stop to be bitter, pray for me that 

my heart heals fast. I cannot but say this to you

that your heart is beautiful 

and I desperately so long to be with you, 

but whatever the need be, whatever the end is

- truthfully so, may it be for our God

I fault myself slightly, I forgot how to love 

and that way, I break (unconsciously)

the biggest commandment of the Lord.]

Allow me, allow me go learn love, go learn self. 

Allow me accept what broke, in deep regrets

of letting you go because really if I did hold on,

I could break your soul.

 Allow me be whole