W A R

 I am wondering if I should text you in the morning. You are yet to reply my call from early yesterday. 

It seems crazy, looks to me like I am begging. 

It’s feeling funny, how I crave for your presence. Isn’t it funny to you? How one day we are speaking and another time, we are fading. You spend time ghosting.

Thought to let you know, if you don’t want it, you could tell me. I want to stop being at war with my soul.

Thinking I’ve done something wrong and Karma is paying me from your control. But that’s just what I say to myself to keep up with you. 

You make me a mess. I am done with you. In older days, they would say a person could give all they have for their significant other to get pass life. 

But I don’t want to be that woman. I don’t want to give up my life for you. I don’t want to pretend as though I am satisfied with what we have. 

And I don’t want to wait until you have it together before we begin making out time to live our lives. 

I want to be loved

Protected, cherished, valued. 

I want to share paths and parts with you and I am unashamed to say it. 

I don’t want to be at war with my soul.

Waking up to trying to decide if or not I could call or text. 

And it’s understandable if you need time. 

I wish you well and hope you get it together. 

I don’t want to keep going back in time to explain how I want to be treated. 

I’ve gone back and forth way too much times. 

I’ve protected you and covered up your flaws. 

I am tired of waiting 45 hours plus for you to return my calls. 

And it’s alright if this isn’t what you desire,

It’s okay if this isn’t a good time for you to love. 

I am more than willing to move on. 

Yes, it would hurt and might leave a scar. 

I really don’t mind. 

I want to find my own better. 

I would forgive you.

Certainly wish you well.

I don’t want to keep taking guesses. 

I know we talk all about it, but nothing validates your actions. 

Your excuses no longer add up. 

When I move on, please don’t text or call, 

Don’t play the “check on you” cards. 

I want to be free of guilt. 

To leave isn’t wrong 

I wasn’t loved or cherished enough 

This war and I don’t want to fight it anymore.