DESPAIR

 I have been unfair to myself 

Wallowing in my grief 

And staying upset.

I have been looking for answers in 

Several places, 

including the stages

That gets me into despair. 

I have been calling myself 

by my pains, the agony 

attached to when I was unwanted. 

I have been waiting for the world to 

Understand that once upon a time, 

I was damaged without repair.

But then again, 

it is true what they say 

About life being unfair. 

I guess I would 

forget the name of my pains 

and address myself by the title I want tomorrow to bring. 

But whenever I sit on the couch, 

three minutes away from earth, 

I begin to remember that I was once a child, raped and violated. 

And while I was growing, 

I never had the best. 

So sometimes, I struggle between forgiving myself and 

those who ripped me apart

while learning to live a new 

life and be my best. 

One of my friends would 

say I am strong. 

And my favorite human 

would always be there, 

but when I have no words to say, 

I get upset because 

I abhor much pain.

So, I am sorry for the days

 I left words unsaid, 

because in my head, 

I was torn, broken 

and living in regrets. 

And for every-time I gave 

my best, it was because 

I wanted to know what 

was behind my tears. 

Today, my friend told me 

my demons are scared of me. 

It was new to hear. 

Maybe tomorrow, 

I would try myself to start 

again and laugh till

 the tears come again. 

Category: Mild Dark.

Written by Olu Ajoba 

Articledepth.blogspot.com